How can we listen better? So common to hear people ask this. But I’ve found something that I think does answer it, and does that well.
Alienating the people who are talking to you can happen if you’re not very skilled at ‘the new kind’ of active listening. I don’t know about you, but since the pandemic hit, I think people got very tuned in to how we talk to each other and how we try to relate.
I feel like there’s been more attention put on this, at least in the conversations I’ve had with people from the near and distant past, all around the world.
How are we talking to each other? Can we truly listen deeply? What are we getting wrong, and how can we do this better? So as to not push people away, but create an environment where it’s safe to say what you really want to say. And hear others, too.
I think this video is really helpful, to show us how this works well when we learn how to do it. I’m not sure how you would feel about this person’s views, but I definitely enjoyed the ‘trampoline’ analogy. Conversations without energy in them are common; we see this a lot, right?
How to listen better? Change up how you always do it.
We can do better. We can listen well: really read between the lines and ask people things without getting too formulaic, in the old, tired, not-working-anymore way.
A few takeaways:
- Reflect on the goals: what you want, and what the speaker needs.
- Listen without an agenda.
- Who is the focus of attention in the conversation? Sharing your own stories might steer the conversation away from the speaker in a way that makes them feel dismissed, or unheard.
- You could say, instead, ‘What’s missing?’
- Just nodding and saying mm-hmm and repeating what they say used to be what we said was good listening, but it’s not, anymore. Clearly we have so many miscommunications, especially with the digital ways we ‘talk’ if we’re not already very familiar with each other. And even then.
- People might not even realize they’re expressing unexamined emotions. What’s left unsaid–ask about that, ‘it might make them feel supported, and lead to insight for both of you.’
What do you think? ‘What am I missing?’ Contact me with your comments.